Why I don't believe you have a time management issue
I have noticed a trend within my coaching practice, and although I noticed it for the first time early on, it has been more consistent lately.
Everyone believes they have a time management issue. In coaching, I work with clients as they show up, which means there is no work or effort required for them to put in before a session. I want you to show up as you are, and we work through and coach based on the needs of the version of you that shows up. Typically we start a session by reviewing action items or takeaways from the week prior and checking in to see how they went. I have had so many sessions that once we complete check-in and I ask what they want to work on or if there is a topic top of mind, a very common response is, “I have time management issues.” It’s almost like code language for - “there are a lot of deeper thoughts and storylines that are stopping me from doing the things that I believe I should.”
Coaching is for the client - an opportunity for them to look in the mirror and consider situations, feelings and hurdles in a different light so they can begin to work for you instead of against you. It is also a process that is client lead - meaning we start by exploring time management and why it’s believed to be suffering.
I am equipped to support true time management issues with tools and techniques that can keep you organized and have you shift your thinking when it comes to time in general. BUT 9 times out of 10 as we start down that road, it turns out it’s not about managing the time but more about managing the expectations of what you do with that time.
There are many “shoulds” that really fuck us up when it comes to managing our time. If you always believe you should be doing something more meaningful, efficient or valuable with your time, you are doing less than nothing because everything feels like a waste. You aren’t focusing on the task at hand nor the task you constantly believe you SHOULD be doing. What are you actually accomplishing? It is why it always feels like it isn’t enough.
Another thing that slows us down and the reason finding time feels so challenging is wanting to want to do something. A 42-step morning routine is great for those who genuinely want, need and benefit from such a routine. Likely it took time to get to that place, and you don’t start off by completing all 42 things and revolutionizing your life on day one of your new routines. I have found myself on this merry-go-round more than once. I WANT to WANT that 42-step morning routine, and I want the benefit it seems to provide others, but I want it to start tomorrow, and I don’t want it to be an evolution.
So when I set out to do it - I am so overwhelmed by needing to do it ALL that I do absolutely nothing and completely freeze. I am paralyzed by the notion that I don’t know where to start and can never commit to anything that’s good for me. Meanwhile, if I gave myself grace and started small because I knew the things I committed to were of great benefit and could be part of an evolution of what works best - I would be able to take small steps towards it and make it work.
Trying to do something because you should want to doesn’t make you want to. It may make you do it because you shit-talked your way into it, but it certainly won’t be because it felt good and natural, which means it isn’t sustainable. What do you actually want? And do you want it for the right reasons? These are helpful questions to ask and to explore to get past stopping before you even start.
Discomfort will have you avoid something at all costs - maybe you’re not doing something, not because you can’t find the time but because it isn’t comfortable, and you’re programmed to avoid discomfort no matter what it means. It is less about what it means about you for not doing it and more about why you actually don’t want to. Two ideas often get confused. I hear a lot of “I’ve always procrastinated” or “I guess I’m just lazy,” and the more we lean on those ideas, the more we act in a way to prove them to be true. I break those ideas down with my clients. We dig deeper into what being lazy really means, and so often, you aren’t lazy in life- you have a busy non stop life where you accomplish a lot.
You use laziness or procrastination as a way of labelling what’s happening so you can avoid thinking about it more profoundly. Maybe the task in question is something you really don’t enjoy or brings up feelings for you that you don’t understand, or maybe you have always told yourself the same story, so it is the only thing you are actively looking to prove. Because if you aren’t those things you’ve always claimed - who are you? Cue the discomfort! If we lean into it instead of avoiding it and are completely honest with ourselves, we’re not mismanaging our time because most of us are smart enough to troubleshoot that. You’re avoiding the short-term discomfort of how that thing makes you feel. Unfortunately, that approach perpetuates longer-term discomfort by allowing you to believe things that aren’t necessarily true about your entire way of being.
Sending love,
Jen